Missing Pieces | MSL New Foundations

In space aboard the Sessrúmnir, Thor finally brings up the subject of Sif to Loki.

 

 
missing-pieces



Thor Thunderer Odinson
Usually when he slept with Loki he found sleep came easier to him, but that night he felt that it was eluding him. His mind was stuck on something and for a long time he was staring up at the ceiling. Volstagg was dead, slain by Hela during her attack on Asgard which had almost caused the death of Fandral as well. Sif, however, was not counted among the many dead of their people. He was certain had she perished it would be something he would have known.

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"Brother." he spoke quietly. If Loki were asleep he didn't wish to wake him, but he doubted the other was actually sleeping.

"You know better than I what was happening on Asgard before Hela arrived." after all, Loki had been in the guise of Odin and ruling over the realm.

"Do you know what became of Sif?"



Loki Silvertongue
"Hmm?" Loki murmured, in that half dream state where nothing seems quite real. It was one of the few places he found peace anymore, ironically enough on the edge between two sides, as always. "Sif?"

He blinked, rubbed his eyes and rolled to face his brother. "I was wondering when you were going to ask about her." Loki had assumed Thor feared hearing that she'd perished. For as much as his brother put on a front of fearlessness, Loki knew that Thor's feelings, which he wore on his sleeve for all the Nine Realms to see, were his weakness. Thor feared some of the same things everyone did: ridicule, failure, heartbreak.

They were all things Loki had known at his brother's own hands, though he knew the reverse was true as well. There was no fair grudge to be held if they were even. Loki was about to change that score, however. In which direction it ended up would depend ultimately on Thor's feelings, which were more and more unpredictable to Loki of late. This Thor who lay next to him now in their shared quarters was not the brother Loki had known after his return from Midgard in chains.

"I sent her to Midgard. She should be waiting for us when we arrive." It sounded like entirely good news, if one didn't look too deep into Loki's reasoning for the decision.

where-is-sif




Thor Thunderer Odinson
"Of course you would have." Loki had been pretending to be Odin and the last thing he'd needed was people able to see past his illusion. Fandral, Volstagg and Hogan knew Loki, but they didn't have the attention to detail that Sif did. They weren't a threat to outing Loki in the way Sif might actually root out the truth. Thor never knew about the depth of Loki's relationship with Sif, but that didn't mean he hadn't noticed Sif and Loki had been closer than Loki was with his other friends.

"She would have seen through you." Thor didn't sound upset, in fact he sounded more relieved than anything else.

"She would have figured you out, so you had to get rid of her." he looked at the other.



Loki Silvertongue
“Eventually, yes, she would have seen something amiss. No matter how hard I tried.” Loki had to laugh, despite the aching loneliness of the duration and his disillusionment with ruling Asgard and the Nine Realms. “It is difficult enough to maintain an illusion like that around people who do not know you well. Around someone who does know you, and over a long period of time? Sif is sharp. She would have noticed something, probably sooner rather than later.”

Loki’s face held regret, despite his attempt at making light of the situation. Sif had been one of the few anchors he’d still had after losing his memories. Thor was gone, Odin was gone, Frigga was gone, and then, to keep himself and Asgard safe, Sif had to leave as well. That’s what Loki had convinced himself of, anyhow.

“I knew she would be proud to be chosen to carry on your work in protecting Midgard, so I sent her there with words of praise and encouragement from the Allfather.”



Thor Thunderer Odinson
"She would have kicked your ass." he said it softly. The playful jab having a blunt tip. Sif was formidable, especially so when it was something personal. Not only had Loki faked his death, but he done something with Odin. Two sins in the eyes of their friend.

"If ever there was someone I would trust to protect Midgard it would be her. No offense, Loki. But you're not much of a babysitter." he nudged him.

"You are a little shit, though." he snorted, but had spoken fondly.

"But I wouldn't change that, not for anything."



Loki Silvertongue
“Then that makes you a big shit,” Loki returned the jest and the nudge. “Not that I’m arguing with you about Sif. While my decision in part was for my own protection, it was also for Midgard.”

He turned his head to regard Thor’s jawline, so familiar, yet Thor seemed so strange to him sometimes now. “I thought Odin had banished you again and had no idea where you were. Huginn and Muninn were their usual asshole selves and refused to aid me even though I could force them to manifest, and Hliðskjálf has its limitations. Heimdall I couldn’t ask under any circumstances, even if he hadn’t been declared a traitor and vanished.” Loki shrugged like he didn’t care about that. It had been a calculated move but also tinged with spite. Heimdall had betrayed him on at least two occasions. That was all water under the bridge now, though. Funny how having your home realm blown to smithereens gave you new perspective on past transgressions.



Thor Thunderer Odinson
"I thought I needed space." he admitted, voice just above a whisper. He looked like he wasn't sure if he should feel regret over his actions. Would it have been better to stay? More what ifs, and he didn't have the time to play that mind game.

"If I left and you knew where I went I knew you'd follow. I was only thinking about myself again." he hadn't been able to move beyond his own grief at the loss of his brother in such a cruel way. It left Loki with more holes and dangled him in front of Thor like a taunt. Everything he wanted and yet not.

"I was being consumed by what I was feeling and I was so angry. I could feel it turning into this ugly thing inside of me. I kept telling myself if I could just step back that I could get control of it and then come back." but distance only hurt in a new way and the negative, ugly thing of anger inside of him morphed into other dark, horrible feelings.



Loki Silvertongue
“From what I recall, we both had reasons to be angry. Why do you think I did what I did?” Loki didn’t exactly regret it, he couldn’t have known what he’d unleash in Hela since he didn’t even know of her existence, but if he’d known Thor was gone of his own volition, perhaps that anger wouldn’t have been directed so much at Odin. Thor would have borne some of the brunt of it as well. Loki didn’t take well to being left behind.

“And are you still angry?” Loki was.



Thor Thunderer Odinson
"Not at you." he said at first, expression thoughtful before he spoke again in a softer voice.

"I'm still angry with Odin. I'm angry at the situation. But I'm making peace with the fact I can't change anything in the past. I can't force things to happen. I can only be here and now and look towards the future." he was looking into Loki's eyes. His own eye looked sad and tired despite his admission of still being angry.

"I'd rather look towards a future with you. If that involves me getting over my anger, I'm going to do it." he looked down for a moment and then back up again.

"Can you forgive me?"



Loki Silvertongue
“You can be angry with Odin all you like,” Loki chortled, uncomfortable with the intensity and rawness of emotion for both of them at the moment. It was all he could do not to physically squirm, but he was too proud for that.

“I have some grievances of my own to work through, as you might imagine. With him, with recent events, with our past.” He broke eye contact, looking down for a moment.

“You are all I have left. One could argue that I forgave you before I left Sakaar.”



Thor Thunderer Odinson
He wanted to reach out and touch him. More than that he wanted to pull the other close to him and nuzzle into his hair and stay they way as long as he could. As long as Loki would allow, anyway. He'd been getting better at it before. So this time he stuck with only a touch. Thor cupped the side of Loki's neck but allowed him some freedom from the intense lock of his lone-eyed gaze.

"I want to help you with those, where I can. Whenever and however I can. I know it will happen, in time. Bit by bit and piece by piece. It may never be perfect, but I don't think you'd want it to be anyway."



Loki Silvertongue
“I have already known you when you were perfect, brother,” Loki laughed, the sound a bit shaky before he looked up. Thor’s touch was reminiscent of those bygone days, one of comfort and familiarity. It bore so many memories with it: some good, some not so good. It was the same hand with which Thor had also fought him previously, yet it always seemed to return to this. Above fame, above power, above even a throne, they had each other.

They were strange pillars that supported the royal family of Asgard now, mismatched, yet mirrored. Loki had to admire Odin’s ingenuity in crafting them to complement each other so perfectly. He wondered if the old man knew the full extent of what he’d created. Loki wondered if he knew himself. Sometimes it seemed like Thor knew far more about it, an uncomfortable shift in the balance of knowledge between them. In his missing years of memories, Loki had lost something of great importance. He was more convinced of that now than ever before. Whether or not he would be able to regain those memories, Loki didn’t know, but he mourned them nevertheless. From Thor’s indication, he mourned their loss as well.

It was yet another thing that bound them. Loki’s eyes found his brother’s lone blue orb before he finished:

“I think I like you better like this.”



Thor Thunderer Odinson
"I've learned so much, you taught me so much." Loki didn't remember but Thor still believed he deserved the credit. It had been a long, uphill battle in getting Thor to finally see something beyond himself and what he wanted. Loki had, patiently as he could, been there for him. When the growth in Thor really began to take off, he knew Loki could see it at the time. In his growth, he seemed to grow into Loki a bit more as well. So they became more intertwined than ever before. Thor still felt the roots that had tangled into Loki, and he wondered if his brother still felt them to.

"I'm happier like this. I always am when I'm with you."



Loki Silvertongue
Loki didn’t have it in him to say the same out loud. “Stop,” he said instead, but his tone wasn’t without warmth. “You’re embarrassing me with all this sentiment.”

One pale hand clapped over Thor’s and remained there briefly. “Come on, let’s go have breakfast. I heard we’re having the same thing again today as yesterday and the twenty days before that.”

Ah, the perks of living aboard a spaceship with limited resources.



Thor Thunderer Odinson
"At least I'm doing it in private. I think we'd both be done for if Fandral ever heard me being so soft." Thor teased, hesitant to actually pull away from Loki. Even if Loki couldn't handle the words, maybe he could maintain the touch. It ended despite Thor's wants. He pulled away and got to his feet with a stretch.

"The excitement of the morning meal awaits. I hope someday we can stop off somewhere to get more variety. Nice thought, anyway." He grinned and began to get ready to go.





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Republished with permission from: http://www.roleplaylives.net/LokiSilvertongue/comment-id_266732/